what do you expect from me?
You say you understand.
You say that you respect me.
You say that you don’t want me to compromise my situation.
You say that we can coexist.
You say we’ll never have a chance once this year is over.
You say that you want me to be happy.
You almost said the four letter word of how you feel towards me.
But you don’t know what you are doing. Because you are hindering me from the one thing that I’ve wanted my whole life. You are blocking me from a moderated happiness, a contented gradual love, a constant of affection, and a chance at normality. He can give me all of that, and he will never cause me pain like you do.
What do you expect from me? To just drop everything so we can mutual destroy each other? I would be utterly defeated and so miserable because I would be so in love. Do you really want us to create such a beautiful thing to know the exact time and place of its demise? Is there even a point of creation when destruction is so blatantly inevitable?
I’d rather be dully miserable in the fact that from this day on, I am slowly pushing you out of my life rather than the excruciating pain of settling as just your friend. You’ll find happiness elsewhere.
